A Mother's Love

So I didn't mean to be away this long

I thought about posting a few times

over the month of July ~ but things have been busy

and time that I did have were not spent in front of the computer

I am here today to document maybe more for myself

than anyone who may read my words

that my Mama gained her angel wings last week

she had a rough Spring

in and out of the hospital 3 times

and a couple of pretty bad falls

because she had COPD ~ she would get fluid on her lungs

then end up with pneumonia

but she would bounce back and come home after a week or so

when she landed in the hospital in June

the doctor said that she was no longer safe living by herself

so we started looking into an assisted living facility

there were many meetings at the hospital

and going to look at rooms for her

getting things set up for the move and the task of

cleaning out her apartment ~ what to keep

sifting and sorting through your memories can be a 

daunting task yet I was thankful that she sold the house 10 years

ago as there was only a fraction of things to go through

I found a room in a home in my sub division

it was perfect ~ Molly and I could go for a walk and visit

and we did ~ the residents loved seeing the pup come

I posted this on Facebook after we got her moved in

So this is how parents must feel when they drop their kids off at university. 

Leaving them in a dorm room with all their stuff in a house full of strangers. 

She loved her new room and is settling in ~ thankfully I am just a stones throw away #helicopterdaughter

Tuesday she asked to go to the hospital

and I went in after work to see how she was doing

she was sitting up ~ not feeling herself

but not critical for sure

around midnight the phone rang

 she had taken a turn for the worse

so in we went ~ called my brother

and stayed all night

she passed peacefully on Thursday morning

born July 18th ~ passed August 18th

she had just celebrated 70 candles on her cake

today I am still kind of numb

so much to do ~ finalizing things for her apartment

then this afternoon I will go over to her room

and pack up the rest of her things

the power of friendship is an amazing things

I am truly surrounded by the best people

the cards and messages ~ phone calls and visits

my solace now is that she is with the love of her life

she has not truly been happy since Dad passed and that was 15 years ago

while making calls I heard this over and over again

she is with your Dad

they have been reunited

I would have loved to have seen Dad scoop her up and twirl her around

upon her arrival in heaven.

xo

Motherhood

Motherhood never knocked on our door

and days like yesterday makes me painfully aware of it

some people have wondered

and some have asked

yes ~ we wanted kids

yes ~ we tried

via

we went through testing and poking and prodding

medications, temperature taking

scheduled sex = no romance

we did it all and although there was nothing wrong medically

with either one of us ~ it just did not happen

we did not go the AI or IVF route

at the time it was very costly and something that just was not in the cards

for us

we looked into adopting both locally and internationally

but it was something we did not actively pursue

I will never forget the Mother's Day weekend 2003

I was late ~ really late

we were hopeful ~ almost to the point of going out to buy baby rattles to present 

to both Mom's at dinner on Sunday

we were over the moon ~ it had been a long road and although I had not yet

taken a test ~ I knew it in my heart that there was a life growing ~ it had happened for us

then it was no more ~ I cried hard hot tears

and was at a breaking point ~ ready to give up on it all

the following Monday I was standing at the sink doing dishes

still feeling sorry for myself ~ beaten down ~ low low low

then all of the sudden this scent filled my kitchen

it was like my Dad had just walked through the back door

I was afraid to turn around ~ it had been a couple of years since he had passed

and had never stepped foot in this house as it was new to us

I did turn around ~ there was no one there

and then I leaned down and sniffed the water ~ wondering was was causing 

the scent ~ it was not coming from the sink

it was Dad paying me a visit ~ letting me know that everything was going to be ok

 I am not writing this so you can feel sorry for me

it is not a pity party

I have accepted the fact and am happy

I have 2 beautiful nieces that I love with all my heart

I have children of friends that love me like an Aunt

I have cheered them on ~ praised them

wrapped them tightly in hugs and kisses

they have filled my life with joy

if I only have one regret

it is that my mother in law will never be called Grammy

or Grandma ~ Nanny or Nana

I know she would have loved it

instead she is Grammy to 2 fur babies

the ones I mother and cuddle

the ones I love and cannot imagine being without

so yesterday when we gathered around the table

sharing great food, wine and conversation

I felt blessed to have both Mom's here

I wrote about both of them last year in my

"Women that made me" series ~ you can read about them here and here

The Women that Made Me ~ Mom

Today I am starting a new series

I am aptly naming

The Women that Made Me

and what better person to start with 

but the woman that actually did make me

my Mama ~ Linda

my Mom has always worked

been organized to a fault

and knew how to get the job done

she is the reason I am a list maker

and can organize just about anything

she instilled a work ethic into me

that I carry every day

nothing came for free ~ we worked for everything

received our allowance and got to spend it or save it

the choice was ours to make

Aunt Dot, Dad, Mom & Carolyn seated in front
Family Reunion ~ Rockport Hall

now it was not always about work

it is because of this woman 

that I love...

Movies

Chinese Food

Old Time Rock & Roll Music

Anything Elvis

Reading

and too too many more things to list

I could not ask for a better woman

to have raised me

Love you Mama!!

xo

Friday Potpourri

This past week has been a gift

when the storm clouds moved in

and optimism disappeared

but then the sun came out

and showed that there still is hope

and love ~ lots of love

nothing has been black and white

lots of grey areas ~ variables

and it will take time ~ lots of time

a dahlia for my Mama

her favorite flower

when there were times when I wanted to crawl into bed

and pull the covers up over my head

and 

rewind ~ rewind ~ rewind

I stand in ICU with a smile and a hand squeeze

and reassure her that she is going to be alright

don't stop fighting ~ stick around a bit longer

we still need you

she nods her head ~ she understands

and she squeezes my hand and mouths

I Love You

We met with the doctor yesterday for a prognosis

they inserted a trachea to assist her breathing

he laid out the facts

she is not out of the woods

anything can happen ~ but there is hope 

she has done well considering

the trauma that her body went through

only 50% make it through this

and out of that 50 - only 25% make it out of the hospital

he believes that she will be one of those 25%

that make it 

thank you again for your support

and prayers.

xo

Strength

It has been snowing here all day

I drove to work and back in 4 wheel drive

it was quite the day

we have been through an emotional roller coaster

with lots of ups and downs

I am happy to report

that there have been more ups than downs so far this week

so far

Mom is stubborn

she is strong

and it looks like finally

that she has the will to live

you know when Dad passed

he took a big part of Mom with him

she has not been truly happy since

and it's been 11 years

we were a little afraid that she would just give up

and drift away

but that stubborn streak showed up yesterday

and I was so so happy to see it

I am also trying to take care of myself

get enough rest and relax when I can

 

I thank you for your emails ~ comments

thoughts and prayers

you will never know how much they mean to me

xo

Make Me Smile

It is Monday again

vacation time has ended

and it is back to work time

I did have a good week for the most part

and I thought I would share some of the things

that made me smile

being able to clean at my own pace

instead of trying to get it all done in one fell swoop

I did some organizing and ironed the new

dresser scarf my MIL got me for Christmas

it is perfect

while out running errands on Wednesday

I cam across this at Home Sense

I love it and it is going in the living room

once I get it repainted

these little babies made me squeal with delight

they are my very favorite biscuit from overseas

and I found a spot to buy them here

I was a happy girl!

one day I put everything on the back burner

and decided to curl up and watch a movie

I read this book a couple of years ago 

for book club

and although I did not enjoy the book

I was interested to see the movie

it was on the movie network so I went for it

and I did enjoy the movie more than the book

it is not often that I say that.

now for an update on Mom...

it has not been the best week-end
hoping for an improvement when I went in on Saturday
and they was not one

then on Sunday I went in to learn
that she has a fever and an elevated heart rate
plus they are keeping a close eye on her kidneys
as they are not working very well right now

I know improvements will take time
but on Saturday I really needed a big hug
and a good cry

the hug came from Trev ~ I do love this man of mine
then I sat down and read all the comments on Facebook
and that started the tears
they were needed and theraputic

prayers are still welcome
and I want to thank you for your comments
emails and tweets

hugs & love

My Mom

My Mom turns 63 today ~ still a young chick she is. She loves her family more than anything in the world and I love her for that. This is us last summer at a cousin's backyard wedding.

Happy Birthday Mama!

Birthday Wishes

The week-end has arrived and Mom's birthday is tomorrow. I asked her what she wanted and she said "nothing". Of course she did! Then it was ~ would you like to go to dinner somewhere.... "doesn't matter". Since when do your parents turn into teenagers?? Oh well, I have decided to have her over on Sunday and make brunch ~ so I am planning the menu now.









To have a table that looks like this ~





But it will probably look more like this ~



Have a wonderful week-end!