Oh September

Well hello there ~ it's been a long long time

and here I sit ~ Friday morning and the first of two vacation weeks

is drawing to an end

thankfully I have next week off too

so I thought I would catch you up on what has been happening

the last 6 months!

When I last posted my brother was in the hospital

he was on an uphill climb and I am happy to say

he was one day short of 2 months in 

but came out the other side

he is still not back to work but going to rehab

and getting stronger every day

with the Spring we were thrust into grad year prep

prom dress shopping ~ college acceptance letters

and graduation

birthdays celebrated ~ gatherings with friends

concerts where we sang and danced

making new memories along the way

prom night was so much fun ~ I loved seeing all the kids

the different dresses ~ colours

I was grinning from ear to ear and snapping like a mad woman!

Sam with her Mom & Dad.

Grad night I was a proud Auntie for sure

Sam and Kat after the ceremony

The end of June my oldest niece Katrina decided to spread her wings

and she left for out west

on Father's Day we took a trip to the cape

down to the cottage and the farm

it was a great family day

we picked Sam up after work and everyone came to our place

where we had dinner and just spent some quality time together

I am happy to say that she is going great and loving it.

Summer was a mix of weekends at the cottage

a day trip or two

and just soaking up the nice weather

family gatherings

special times with special people

and with that ~ I will finish off my little update

not sure if anyone out there is still reading

but documenting for myself more than anything I guess.

Hope you had a great summer

xo

11:11

OK - here I am - the once a month girl

no excuses though

I had some news to share

and wanted to get it out

3 weeks ago today

my brother was taken to the hospital

he had texted me on Tuesday saying he thought he had bronchitis

while he was at dialysis on Wed, the doctor gave him a prescription

then Saturday he was weak and his cough was bad

texting back and forth that night with his girlfriend

they admitted him, put him right in ICU and on oxygen

he had pneumonia

I did not go in on Sunday as he needed rest more than anything

and I planned to go in after work on Monday

Monday morning I was just leaving the house for work

when the phone rang

it was Stella - Gord's girlfriend - his breathing was bad

they are putting him on a respirator

I rushed to the hospital - scared for him

That first week I spent many hours in ICU

praying - crying - hugging

he was in bad shape - double pneumonia

acute respiratory distress syndrome

and scariest of all - sepsis

with his existing health issues - diabetes, kidney failure and a heart condition

this was not good news

he was so weak - could he fight his way back

all we could do was keep the faith

and pray

we would get good news, then bad news

it has been an emotional roller coaster

prayers pouring in from family and friends

I am thankful for Facebook as I could just post an update

every couple of days

there have been little things happen

they lower the sedation so he opens his eyes when we are there

and he was giving my hand a squeeze

then one night last week I was on my way home

I was feeling down

broken

losing faith

driving in the car - I started talking to Mom

asking her - no telling her - I need you now

I need you to step up - we cannot lose him 

it is not his time - I knew that deep in my heart

feeling what I probably needed was just a good cry

that night I was getting ready for bed

I picked up my phone

it was 11:11

I smiled - looked up and said - ok

you got my message

the next afternoon at work I get a text from Stella

she had met with the doctor

he had said that Gord has just started showing signs of improvement

last night and today

Trev picked my up after work

I said do you really think - was it a coincidence?

no - not a coincidence

we have to believe and keep the faith

I am happy to say that when we went in today

he was awake

we were talking to him and he started to cry

I wiped his tears and told him how proud I was of him

he is a fighter - he fought for his life

and came out the other side

he still has a long road ahead of him

and when he found out the date he could not believe it

I told him I loved him and he mouthed the words back to us

both Trev and I cried in the hall leaving the hospital

but this time they were tears of happiness

a relief that he is coming back to us

with a little help from our angel.

xo

Out of the Shadows

Yes - here I am 

after 3 months away

truth be told, I did not intend to stay away this long

I have formulated a post in my mind many times

but never pulled the pin to actually sit down and type down the words

until tonight.

When I last posted I had a huge case of daughter guilt

feeling bad that I was not missing Mom

as much as I thought I should

I talked to a few people about how I was feeling

and they all helped in their own ways

but I felt it was time to pull out the big guns

and actually talk to a professional

we have an employee assistance program at work

and it is free, so I made the call

they gave me a choice of sitting down with someone face to face

or I could do it over the phone

I had visions of me laying on a couch with the doc smoking a pipe

and jotting down notes on me

so I opted for the phone call

Did he help me - absolutely

after one hour long conversation he asked questions

and I poured it all out

he asked - so you are feeling guilty because you are feeling some relief that she is gone?

OMG - I am a terrible person if I do admit to that!

seems that I am not so terrible - I loved my Mama deeply

and was there for her through so much

but she was tired ~ and existing 

no longer really living the life she wanted

so it was time for her to join Dad where she has wanted to be

the last 15 years.

So I had 2 phone sessions and felt better

I think I just needed someone to say - hey - it's ok

you don't have to curl up in the fetal position and cry day and night

I threw myself into holiday prep

lists were made, shopping was done

baking and decorating

wrapping and singing Christmas songs

I took a week off in November and got lots done

bought myself a new baby - a Kitchenaid stand mixer

thanks to some money Mom left me

everyone thought I should name her Linda

but I knew something would come to me in time

one night while cooking dinner

the song Ruby Baby by Dion popped into my head

well that was a sign from above and Ruby she became

Mom's birthday is in July with ruby as her birthstone

so it was very fitting

We had a good Christmas - I hosted so it is a lot of work

but I love having everyone gathered around the table

it just makes me happy

New Years Day we always got together for Chinese food

so I wanted to honour the Stiles tradition

and do it again this year with my brother, his fiance and the girls

we raised our glasses and toasted to a life well lived

2017 will be a good year.

Belated Happy New Year

to you and yours

xo