Out of the Shadows

Yes - here I am 

after 3 months away

truth be told, I did not intend to stay away this long

I have formulated a post in my mind many times

but never pulled the pin to actually sit down and type down the words

until tonight.

When I last posted I had a huge case of daughter guilt

feeling bad that I was not missing Mom

as much as I thought I should

I talked to a few people about how I was feeling

and they all helped in their own ways

but I felt it was time to pull out the big guns

and actually talk to a professional

we have an employee assistance program at work

and it is free, so I made the call

they gave me a choice of sitting down with someone face to face

or I could do it over the phone

I had visions of me laying on a couch with the doc smoking a pipe

and jotting down notes on me

so I opted for the phone call

Did he help me - absolutely

after one hour long conversation he asked questions

and I poured it all out

he asked - so you are feeling guilty because you are feeling some relief that she is gone?

OMG - I am a terrible person if I do admit to that!

seems that I am not so terrible - I loved my Mama deeply

and was there for her through so much

but she was tired ~ and existing 

no longer really living the life she wanted

so it was time for her to join Dad where she has wanted to be

the last 15 years.

So I had 2 phone sessions and felt better

I think I just needed someone to say - hey - it's ok

you don't have to curl up in the fetal position and cry day and night

I threw myself into holiday prep

lists were made, shopping was done

baking and decorating

wrapping and singing Christmas songs

I took a week off in November and got lots done

bought myself a new baby - a Kitchenaid stand mixer

thanks to some money Mom left me

everyone thought I should name her Linda

but I knew something would come to me in time

one night while cooking dinner

the song Ruby Baby by Dion popped into my head

well that was a sign from above and Ruby she became

Mom's birthday is in July with ruby as her birthstone

so it was very fitting

We had a good Christmas - I hosted so it is a lot of work

but I love having everyone gathered around the table

it just makes me happy

New Years Day we always got together for Chinese food

so I wanted to honour the Stiles tradition

and do it again this year with my brother, his fiance and the girls

we raised our glasses and toasted to a life well lived

2017 will be a good year.

Belated Happy New Year

to you and yours

xo

Sunday Thoughts

So hello there and happy fall

I am just finishing up a week of vacation

my errands are complete

I have a banana bread in the oven and getting ready to make some muffins too

last I posted other than the news about Mom was in May

can you believe it!  yeah I can

so much has happened and I wanted to throw this one out there

as life has not been all bad over the summer

the weekend before my surgery I finally took the leap and did my gallery wall

I have since changed the mats out from white to a linen colour

and I do like it much better

I like things all in a row so I was not sure how I was going to react to all

the different frames ~ but when all was said and done

I do love it.  I added some red as we have a red recliner now

and some other red details in the room so it all works together

Rocky, Tracey, Nancy & Lori

my bestie turned 50 in June so we gathered the girls

and headed off to a local vineyard

so much fun!

when Tracey turned 50 last year, Rocky and I got her a cuff bracelet that read:

"A good friend knows all your best stories ~ A best friend has lived them with you"

it only seemed fitting that I get one for Rocky for hers

and while I was at it ~ I picked one up for myself as well

and had to get a pic of the 3 of us

the end of June brought another proud Auntie moment

when Katrina graduated from college

I love this little one that has grown into such a beautiful person

she has come such a long way

sorting through things at Mom's apartment over the summer was emotional

but some of the gems I came across were priceless

this is me with my Grampy and my Dad

a party at the cottage and I dare say this 3 generation shot

we were singing like nobody's business

such sweet memories

the junior high gang got together again in July

loads of laughs and catching up as the guys joined us this time around

another fun night

a day at the shore and a visit with one of Trev's Aunts

we sat on the deck and enjoyed the sunshine and the salt air

more beach time was had the long weekend in August

but this time on the Northumberland Strait

we walked and walked the beach at low tide

looking for treasures and splashing through the water

it was down time that was needed and appreciated

Rocky, Tracey, Kim & Lori 

this night was so much fun

we bought the tickets back in June

and the girl's were worried I would not be ready to go out for a night of fun

well they were wrong ~ we danced and sang like it was 1980

to the music of Loverboy

a good time was had by all

we got to the cottage again on Labour Day weekend

it was so nice and full of beautiful sunsets,

bonfires, fireworks and relaxation

date night with this one, this past week

she is a high school senior this year!  I can't even think about it.

We went to see Bridget Jones's Baby

so funny!

Trev and I got out on a little road trip as well

it's nice to just jump in the car and go for a little afternoon trip

go somewhere you have never been

top it off with a great cup of coffee and a treat

and still be home for supper.

I have some things on my heart but will save them for another time

much love,

A Mother's Love

So I didn't mean to be away this long

I thought about posting a few times

over the month of July ~ but things have been busy

and time that I did have were not spent in front of the computer

I am here today to document maybe more for myself

than anyone who may read my words

that my Mama gained her angel wings last week

she had a rough Spring

in and out of the hospital 3 times

and a couple of pretty bad falls

because she had COPD ~ she would get fluid on her lungs

then end up with pneumonia

but she would bounce back and come home after a week or so

when she landed in the hospital in June

the doctor said that she was no longer safe living by herself

so we started looking into an assisted living facility

there were many meetings at the hospital

and going to look at rooms for her

getting things set up for the move and the task of

cleaning out her apartment ~ what to keep

sifting and sorting through your memories can be a 

daunting task yet I was thankful that she sold the house 10 years

ago as there was only a fraction of things to go through

I found a room in a home in my sub division

it was perfect ~ Molly and I could go for a walk and visit

and we did ~ the residents loved seeing the pup come

I posted this on Facebook after we got her moved in

So this is how parents must feel when they drop their kids off at university. 

Leaving them in a dorm room with all their stuff in a house full of strangers. 

She loved her new room and is settling in ~ thankfully I am just a stones throw away #helicopterdaughter

Tuesday she asked to go to the hospital

and I went in after work to see how she was doing

she was sitting up ~ not feeling herself

but not critical for sure

around midnight the phone rang

 she had taken a turn for the worse

so in we went ~ called my brother

and stayed all night

she passed peacefully on Thursday morning

born July 18th ~ passed August 18th

she had just celebrated 70 candles on her cake

today I am still kind of numb

so much to do ~ finalizing things for her apartment

then this afternoon I will go over to her room

and pack up the rest of her things

the power of friendship is an amazing things

I am truly surrounded by the best people

the cards and messages ~ phone calls and visits

my solace now is that she is with the love of her life

she has not truly been happy since Dad passed and that was 15 years ago

while making calls I heard this over and over again

she is with your Dad

they have been reunited

I would have loved to have seen Dad scoop her up and twirl her around

upon her arrival in heaven.

xo

The Holiday Season

I always tell myself that I am going to do better

and maybe throw a post in at least once or twice a month

then I don't and I used to feel bad

but then I don't ~ how is that for honesty

I love having this place to come to ~ it is like a little journal

so here I am back again and sharing 

Christmas seemed to sneak up on me this year

I had the last week of Nov off and I had planned to get

everything done and get ahead of the game

then I got sick ~ not the flu but a nasty cold that kept me sidelined

most of the week

I did get some decorating, baking and shopping done

but not everything that landed on my ever growing list

oh well ~ we know everything will come together and it did

after church on Christmas Eve we all came back here for some finger foods

and drinks ~ we were a small group this year with both Moms along with 

my brother and his girlfriend

after a busy week both at home and at work ~ I fell into bed and did not open

my eyes again until 8:30!  

with no dinner to cook this year I did not have the added stress and responsibility 

of getting the turkey prepped and in the oven so it was a nice break

Our mantle

Sam, Gord, Mom & Kat

we picked up my MIL and went to Mom's for dinner

the girls arrived and they truly make the day

even though they are older now and way past the believing stage

they truly make things more fun!

Sam, Lori, Trevor & Kat

Sam, Lori, Kat

of course we needed to take some group shots and be a little silly

home for a bit and then off to Trev's Moms for a late supper of more appetizers

and gift opening.  Barb usually goes overboard and this year was no exception

she teased me the first of the month that she knew what she was getting my SIL and me

and that was it ~ yes I have heard that song and dance before

when I opened the above and heard the story behind it ~ my eyes welled up with tears

you see she took her Mother's diamond and also her Mother in Law's diamond

and had them set in pendants for my SIL and myself

well you know how I love things with a history ~ well family history is the best

something that I will cherish forever

Boo

Barb's tree

Boxing Day was back to her place for seafood casserole

which is oh so good then we stopped in to visit my Uncle on the way home

we ended up staying there for over 2 hours ~ told stories and laughed

love my peeps

our tree

last night the best neighbours ever came over and we exchanged

gifts and I made Pad Thai

we are getting together for New Years Eve and having fondue ~ so we are 

looking forward to that along with Cards Against Humanity

so wrong but so much fun!

Hope that your Christmas was merry and wishing you 

nothing but the best for 2016.

xo

Memory Makers

Test test ~ anyone still out there

or have you given up hope that I would ever be back?

Although fall is one of my favourite times of the year

I hold onto summer for as long as I can because I know that

winter ~ the longest season ever in these parts

just goes on forever and is not on my list of things I look forward to 

so with that being said ~ August was fantastic

we spent the long weekend at the cottage and along with some pretty

spectacular sunsets ~ I did a lot of reading ~ relaxing

and walking.  This is the old road and I cannot get over how the alders

have grown up 

we celebrated our anniversary at a yummy new Italian restaurant

so good ~ everything was excellent

I also found a new shop that I love ~ doesn't hurt that she is from the Maritimes

and you know how I love to shop local

check out Rhubarb Paper Co here

weekends were busy with company in from out of town ~ a family gathering ~

time at the flea with my hubby ~ and then my best girl arrived for a few days

we had some deck time ~ some girl time

a trip to the shore for fried clams and lots of together time

which was the best part of all

Labour day weekend took us back to the cottage

it really is the best place to unwind ~ do as much or as little as you want

this summer there were not many projects completed

but we enjoyed the time we had

as we locked up to head home I was overcome with emotion

I thought I was going to cry ~ it was like I was walking away and never coming back

I tried not to read anything into it but it felt weird and yes ~ I have been back since!

I took a weeks vacation in September

did not do a whole lot but I did have a date with this one

we went out to the shore ~ had some supper

walked and talked on the beach ~ laughed and took pictures

it was a great afternoon and evening

back to school and back to work

some projects on the agenda

hoping to get back to my Friday posts

hope everyone had a great weekend

xo